I suppose you can guess from the subject line that I could be doing better. Just feeling real anxious and weird! Oh and I tried edibles with two very close friends, about 5mg. It's weird because I felt so calm. The experience really put into perspective how much of a constant buzz of anxiety I have around me.

But I have been working on myself. Doing things instead of putting it off. Letting myself enjoy things again and also letting other people know about it. I have finally started being honest about my love of rays to the people close to me and they have been beyond supportive. One of my loved ones is even hinting that he's going to get me bedding with rays on them! I think I would sob if I actually got it. So much childhood wish fulfillment that I kept myself from enjoying because I was convinced my life would be better if I was just someone else.

Other than that, not many updates! Taking a break from the bookbinding while I figure out other things. I'm working on a music video edit to the song Ocean Man by Ween and it's going to include some of my favorite rays :) Overall I am struggling with some depression and a lot of anxiety, for many reasons, but trying not to let it creep inside me and get comfortable.