Peer pressure
Sep. 23rd, 2021 10:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nimparkI've mentioned before that I have hardly any friends. I technically have two friends (one of them I had a falling out with and we've only recently started getting back in contact, and that's only due to my other friend) but other than that I don't talk to anyone else who isn't related to me. On one hand, having a large friend group sounds like an actual nightmare. But on the other hand, I feel like I'm missing out on my teenagehood and feel quite lonely sometimes. So I take any chance I can get to hang out with my two friends.
I've known them since I was 11. In the past few years they've gotten into drug use, which I really don't mind. Sure it's caused a strain on our friendship in some ways but I've never felt like it intruded on it. I'll use initials to make this less confusing. I went to A's house yesterday for the first time in a long time. A and R vaped and smoked weed while I was there. I was cool with it; it's not my house anyway so I wouldn't force them to stop. But then they started asking if I would ever do drugs. Which I'm ambivalent to because I don't have super strong feelings. I kept asking myself: when I think of who I want to be in ten years (or even five years) do I imagine a person who smokes? The answer is no. R said she felt uncomfortable peer pressuring me, even though she doesn't feel bad when she does it to other people, but A just kept pushing. It was weird because A has a lot of issues regarding the people they love using drugs, so I thought it would be the last thing they want for me.
But I guess I was wrong. I don't want to be another person in their life who spirals out of control because of drugs. But it feels like that's who they want me to be. I'm the resident straight-edge of the group and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing anything until I'm 21. I have a lot of hangups about losing my touch with reality because of mental health reasons, so I can't imagine volunteering myself to lose my mind. I don't know. I should probably talk about this with my therapist and A.
